Unsure

I have a vague recollection, all the way back to last night, that I’d settled on something to write about today. It seemed awfully important at the time, but it must not have been so, because I’ve lost the trail. 

I think that’s one of the difficulties I have with myself. Often, I have a thought, or concept, or deep longing that seems immediately important, but then I don’t take time to dwell on it, contemplate it. 

I’m working on building connections between the two hemispheres of my brain through meditation. I find myself easily distracted, yet at the same time, I can get right back into it almost immediately and of course, sometimes not. I know in my head that it’s the process, the journey that really matters, but I tend to get too wrapped up in the end-goal or the particulars of how to start the journey. 

Having an amazing wife, whose neural network is enormously more expansive than my own, has been a massive blessing I didn’t even know I needed. She challenges me in ways I hadn’t even considered being challenged in. Likely, without knowing it, her resilience and determination to maintain a spirit filled life (largely for herself), has been a carin on the trail without which, I would most certainly be lost. 

She is helping me to become more in tune with myself, being present and aware, thoughtful and intentional in the things that I do, which is one of the big reasons I’m back at writing. Perhaps it really is good for me to write, come back and reflect, see the places I’ve been and be more purposeful for the future. 

New concept for me, but in the last 4 weeks, I have noticed a measurable difference in a number of mental capacities, though I am not sure as if yet how to shake this nagging confidence issue. Time will tell. Again, I’ve set my intentions toward good and I will continue to look for those places where good is hiding, and bring it into the world. 

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