Clean out

One of my hopes with this blog thing is the clean out some of the calcified crap that has built up in my head through years of not practicing awareness, creativity and discipline. I’m not sure I will be able to identify when I’ve “arrived,” but again, this whole idea of a journey, an adventure, even an expedition seems like an apt description. 

I really want to make room for the important things that for one reason or another, I’ve simply let fall by the wayside. I also know that there have been several recent post where I mention silence, meditation (or prayer might be a little more comfortable description for some) and awareness as portals of sorts by which we tap into the greater movement of the universe. As I’ve also said before, I’m starting to crave those moments of silence. Even as I play some chanting in the background as I write, there is something overwhelmingly centering, soothing, right, whole. 

Richard Rohr, a Franciscan Priest, suggests that from silence, true action arises, thus we must fully enter into that silence, otherwise we react and fail to fully experience our own lives. We get caught up in a cycle of looking toward the next exciting thing rather than fully embracing this current moment. He says, if we are bored with this moment, we will be bored with the next. Silent Compassion is the book and maybe I’m just in a place currently where I’m open, but yikes! There is some really good stuff in there. 

All that to say, I have a feeling that the combination of entering into intentional silence and meditation mixed with wise words from those who have spent their lives exploring these things has really been good for me. 

Also, as I am coming to more fully understand, the things that work well for me may not be what works for someone else and it’s high time that I quit expending so much energy trying to convince others to walk my path with me.  Doesn’t that just sound crazy? Well, that’s the conservative baggage I’ve been trying to shed for the last 5 years and I’m just now starting to get a grasp on it. Wow!

Needless to say, I can can feel life growing inside me and I’m ready to chase that light wherever it leads. 

Parenting 101

Check out what we found as my wife and I were getting ready to climb in bed. 

Oh, the things no one tells you when thinking about parenthood. I had my thoughts about it; wrestling on the floor, throwing every conceivable type of ball, learning to ride a bike. 

But it’s this little stuff that regularly catches me off guard. A stuffed storm trooper laying in our bed, boogers on toys, clothes, walls, sheets, two boys singing opposing choruses of the Star Wars and Tron themes. 

Most of this parenting gig is awesome, and yet I still feel like I’m screwing up my boys either because I just flat made a fool of myself, I’m too selfish to engage or in or I’m preoccupied with some nonsense that really, in the grand scheme of life, doesn’t matter in the least. 

Intuitively I’m pretty sure I know the stuff I can do better, but this damn ego of mine puts up road blocks left and right. As of late, I think that’s why I’m gravitating to the Richard Rohrs, Thich Nhat Hahns and John Philip Newells of the world. There is a peace and silence they advocate that is not simply turning things off or getting away (solitude), but entering into a different realm that we might become people who not only think differently, but we also act and interact more holistically with our families, friends, humanity and all things living, created and evolving, even this planet and our relationship to it. 

I am hoping, that as I begin to embark on this journey of purpose and intention with my wife and family, I will start to become more aware of the light in myself and those around me, taking time to relish the beauty of my kids rather than letting my ass get chapped because they sing the same song all day long or punch me in the junk for the ninth time today. 

I keep coming back to the question, what kind of person do I want to be? How will we engage in lives of peace and compassion? We’ll see. Should be an exciting journey. 

Silence, revisited

I’m sure this will be something I come back to often,  largely because I’m bad at it. Silence. I wouldn’t say it scares me, but I don’t yet know what to do with it. 

According to one bad-ass priest named Richard Rohr, silence really isn’t a thing to master, but something to enter into, like the air that completely surrounds us. To Mr. Rohr, without silence, we react, we jump from activity to activity and never really experience our own lives. Gut punch!

I like to think I’m a little more in tune with my own existence, but truth be told, I’m just coasting. Silence seems like a waste of time in this society, though I am not one to withhold criticism for the ridiculous amount of crap that happens in this country without so much as a blink from the majority. I’ll save that for later, since I’m still working out the usefulness of such critiques anyhow. 

One thing I do know for sure is that I am part of the human race and it is my full intention to live compassionately on behalf of it and if silence helps me get to a place where I can join in the journey of life with my community, I’ll practice until my death. I haven’t bought back into the organized religion stuff yet, but there are voices and movements of within the universe that suggest we are better off working together, finding commonality rather than dwelling on our differences. 

I’ll see where the journey goes and I’m hopeful for the good.